Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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