i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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