i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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