Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
