Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
