I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
my shit smells like andre
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
