I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
