AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
