so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
