I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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