My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
