your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
