I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
