Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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