There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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