worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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