I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
