i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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