i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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