I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
