Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
