when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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