just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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