Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
