i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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