i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
