I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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