ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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