No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I have fence marks all over my body
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
