she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
