So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I supernannyed him into submission
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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