Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
