It's Friday. Sex?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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