I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
