my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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