I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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