how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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