I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
