It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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