The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
