this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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