Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
