so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
