Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
