i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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