At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
