Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
