my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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