Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
