Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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